omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
