He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
