Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
