so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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