We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
