I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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