The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
