Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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