My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
