i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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