see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
