Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
