tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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