Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
