The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
