Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
