I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
