Do you still have your period?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
