quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
