I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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