Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
