awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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