I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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