The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You made out with two different species that night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
