He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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