My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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