k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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