k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
