Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize