Your mouth is God's brothel.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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