Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
