whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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