Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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