I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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