Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You ruined the universe
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
