i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
