I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you had me at cake vodka
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
