I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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