She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
