he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
