what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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