woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
