I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
