just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
