took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
