highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
