Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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