So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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