i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
