It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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