Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
