the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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