Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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