i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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