I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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