so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
