You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
