Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
