Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
