new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you didnt know i had herpes?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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