im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
