He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize