just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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