Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
